This has been the longest and shortest week of my life.  Yesterday I spent the day behaving like an upset toddler, refusing to pack until the very last minute.  However no matter how amazing I may believe I am I have yet to find a way to stop time ;o)  So here I am back in B7 of the Beatson and the poking and prodding has began again.  I forgot how much they like sticking sharp objects into people and by people I mean me!  So this week has been one of highs and lows – of being confident that all will be well to being terrified of all the things that can go wrong.  This was never part of the plan, I have just been accepted to train for the ministry, to do my Masters and was even beginning to understand at least some areas of my job in the doctors surgery (just don’t ask my boss to support that comment ;o)  Cancer was behind me.  Things were going right and now……  Well I have allowed myself a couple of days of negative thoughts, of having doubts, of being, well being terrified but no more.  How can I be negative when everyone, and I mean everyone, I have spoken to has been so positive.  We have go this.  If it was not for you lot I would probably be weeping in a corner somewhere but that is not an option. So tomorrow I get my wires put in and then we sort out the plan and sometime soon I start to get the good drugs and this time they will work.  I don’t have an answer to why this has come back and I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but today, today I know that I am doing ok, that nobody could ask for more support and that at no point do I have to do any of this alone (well apart from the poking and prodding that is ;o)  because I have you,  I have my family, I have the medical team and I have God and together we will get there….. wherever there is!!!!!