I just want to start this post by saying a big thank you for all the Christmas and birthday cards, messages etc.  I have no idea what I have done to deserve such amazing friends but I am truly grateful.  I also want to apologies if I have not answered a message or sent a thank you card yet but this leads me to the second part of the reason for this post…..  When I started this blog I wanted to give a true description of what it feels like to be dealing with this illness and I have come to discover that it is far from the negative path that I thought it would be as there have been plenty of moment of humour and light during this journey.   However at the moment I appear to be really struggling to find these moments.  I don’t know if it is just everything suddenly catching up on me, my transplant looming on the horizon then being postponed,  or just because I am a bit run down but this last month or so has been such hard work.  I am struggling really hard with exhaustion at the moment, the kind that no sleep seems to sort, and my energy levels are low.  I was told last week that they have a possible new donor and have set the hospital intake date for the 4th but I did not manage to feel anything, either excitement or fear, about that and maybe that is a good thing – who knows?  I am however worried that if I feel this tired now how am I going to feel during and after the transplant?????  Anyway no matter how I am feeling it is onward and upward, I have to get my head in the game for the 4th.  I am in the middle of all my tests at the moment and my line goes back in on Wednesday so no more trips North after that.  However I just want to say thanks again, you are a fantastic bunch of people and I really do appreciate how lucky I am to know you xxxx