Drowning on dry land.

I wish I could say that I am doing ok, but the truth is that I am not sure I am.  I am so scared and am trying to hide that from everyone which is why this post is not going up on Facebook.  I had just started to get my life back to find a way forward.  I was doing good, great even.  Now I am left hoping for the best and fearing the worst.  I don’t think I am strong enough to do this again but I have no option.  I just want someone to tell me that it is all going to be ok but I know that they can’t.  In truth I think this must be what drowning feels like but I am not giving up – if I paint on a smile for long enough I am sure that I will get it to stay and if I can convince all those around me that I am doing ok then maybe I can convince myself.

5 comments

  1. Megan · July 17

    I was so sorry to see your news yesterday Jade. Remember that it’s okay to not be okay sometimes. Having a “down day” doesn’t mean you are giving up or giving in – sometimes we need to ride out the feelings and then come back stronger. You have a huge support network behind you and don’t be scared about being honest. Most of us will only be able to imagine the fear and trepidation you must be feeling at the moment. Thank you for feeling you can share it and thank you for letting us be there with you. Prayers and love are winging their way to you on a regular basis xxx

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  2. Mary Fennell · July 17

    Hi Jade
    When I read about your results on facebook my heart broke, I felt your pain you have been through so much already. It seems a bit tough that again you have to put your life on hold.

    I have made some folks aware of your situation in Strath and Sleat to make sure you are well covered in prayer.

    Jesus won’t let you down Jade
    Lots of love Jade
    Mary

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  3. Mary Fennell · July 17

    Hi Jade
    When I read about your results on facebook my heart broke, I felt your pain you have been through so much already. It seems a bit tough that again you have to put your life on hold.

    I have made some folks aware of your situation in Strath and Sleat to make sure you are well covered in prayer.

    Jesus won’t let you down Jade
    Lots of love Jade
    Mary

    Like

  4. Robina macgregor · July 18

    It’s a long time since I heared about someone painting a smile on their face but yes that’s what you will do Jade, and then your big pants on and fight all the way. I know it will be painful and hard at times we are all praying for you and with you on your next journey to beating it again.xlove Robina

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  5. MARGARET CALLANDER · July 18

    It’s ok not to be ok.You’re only human and of course you feel scared and upset.You might also be angry, I certainly would be! We have only met once, but I feel part of your journey, and I’m with you now. Much love to you.x

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