I wish I could say that I am doing ok, but the truth is that I am not sure I am. I am so scared and am trying to hide that from everyone which is why this post is not going up on Facebook. I had just started to get my life back to find a way forward. I was doing good, great even. Now I am left hoping for the best and fearing the worst. I don’t think I am strong enough to do this again but I have no option. I just want someone to tell me that it is all going to be ok but I know that they can’t. In truth I think this must be what drowning feels like but I am not giving up – if I paint on a smile for long enough I am sure that I will get it to stay and if I can convince all those around me that I am doing ok then maybe I can convince myself.