Pin Cushion Princess

Ever had one of these days? I seem to be having one of these lives. Last week I had to go in for my intrathecal but try as they might (jab, jab, ow) they could not get the needle in between my spine so today I had to go back in again to have it done under guidance. First they tried it without (jab, jab, ow) then they tried it with pictures, but still struggled (jab, jab,ow), however when the ow became an AAAAHHHHHHHH they knew they were in the right spot. They then took some fluid out to send off for testing and put the chemo in. However at some point during that process I decided to pass out, still with a needle in my back, and possibly have a small fit, the expression “bite your tongue” is one I am now more familiar with than I need to be. Thankfully when I came back round the needle was gone, the chemo was in and all was well with this human voodoo doll, or as well as can be. On Tuesday I have to go in again for a bone marrow (jab, jab, ow) and then wait on all the results. Do you want to know something? I am done in. Tonight I am beginning to question whether I am swimming, treading water, or drowning and just don’t know it. I am so tired. They came round today and asked if I wanted to keep having these intrathecal procedures and how does one answer that, yes (I mean what else can happen) or no (cross our fingers that the cancer is gone). After getting all this done, they kept me in for observation and then I got the bus back to Drum, back to my placement and tomorrow I will get up and keep putting one foot in front of the other, tomorrow I will smile and engage with everyone I meet but tonight, tonight I am hibernating, disengaging from the world (especially the one that is full of needles), licking my wounds (ok maybe not actually the one on my back) and spending some time with God, because without God (and you lot) I have no idea how I would be doing any of this. Thanks once again for listening to this grumpy pin cushion princess, love you all xxxx

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