Today there was room at the inn and thus I am back at the Beatson.  Tomorrow at 6am I start my next round of chemo.  6am … you would think they could start a little later.   Today has not been a great day and I found it very hard to motivate myself and phone to see if there was a bed.  Partly, I guess it is the fact that I have been fighting this hellish disease for 5 months now and at times it can feel at bit like treading water. Then there is the fact that I am finally getting home and the idea of leaving again is so hard.  Also I am exhausted which is causing my mood to dip slightly and then there is the feeling that I want my life to change but I am just not sure how.  I don’t want to go back to the way things were before, I want to start living my life doing something I enjoy and something worth worthwhile but my inner monologue keeps poohooing me and telling me that wont happen but maybe it is time to ignore the negatives and only listen to the positives?  So that is my moan for today.  Tomorrow I hope will be better and I promise no more complaining.  On the plus side I am in a different bed this time and maybe that means the internet will work better, who knows.