Happy re-birthday to me

I thought today would come and go and not really feel any different, but I was wrong. Today marks an entire year since I had my transplant. Today marks an entire year of life that I was not supposed to see, being lived, enjoyed and celebrated. Today I can look back on where I was this time last year and thank God for how far I have come. Today also brings a touch of sadness though, for while I may be here, there are others I met along the way that are not. Others who I shared tears and laughter, fears and hopes, dreams and sorrows with, who were not so lucky (for whatever reason) as I was. Yet here I am. Has this experience changed me? Well yes and no. My DNA has changed, I am now closer genetically to a stranger than my own family. My faith has changed, I have learned to trust more in God and less in my own abilities. There is a couple of verses in Proverbs that state “trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” and that is what I am learning to do, I have to trust in God even if I don’t understand the why’s and wherefores’ about a situation, even if trusting in Him means having to read six books on death in order to write an essay for Uni (oh the joy ;o) I no longer trust my body to do what it is supposed to and take each day in remission as a bonus, after it has stopped producing healthy blood cells not once but twice now. However, in many ways I am still the same overly optimistic, horrendously grumpy, cheerful, bad tempered, loving, hurtful individual that I was before this journey started. I still get things right but also get things so wrong, I make mistakes but learn from them and I am just so glad that I have had the opportunity to do so. I also get to tell my sister she is now at least 40 years older than me which makes me laugh. So what does the next year hold for me? If nothing else I can honestly say I have no idea. I guess there will be more treatments and tests, lectures and essays, more friends to make and others to say goodbye to, more to learn and also in my case to forget. In the next year there will be 365 new sunrises and sunsets and I can’t wait to see them all. Oh I know they won’t all be happy and full of joy but for me they are all a bonus, a gift and one that I intend to enjoy and share with you (oh the joy I hear you cry ;o) but without you in my life the last few years of fighting would have been purposeless and void of true meaning for what is the point of life if not to share (impose) all of it, the good, the bad and the indifferent with those you love and to be there to share in their moments too. Love you xxx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s