Goodbye 2015

So here we are in the last few hours of 2015 and while everyone else is being rather positive I must admit that for the first time since I was diagnosed with ALL I cried.  I cried because the docs (all three of them – they like to work in herds) came in to tell me that I can’t go home to be with my family for New Year.  I cried because the room I am in has no signal and I could not even phone them and tell them.  I cried because I am just bloody sick and tired.  I cried because I know that next week I will be back in here getting more drugs and blood pumped into me to fight a disease that is robbing me of so much.  I cried in front of a bunch of strangers (nurses, doctors and the other patients) and there was nothing I could do about it (once more my dignity flew out the window).  Yes I can/have been strong and positive but I guess even I have my limits.  I then look at the family across the way, who are waiting for the inevitable, and feel so stupid for being upset but still can’t stop the tears.  If asked, this time last year, what the future would hold I would never once have imagined that I would be here now.  While I may be feeling sorry for myself today I also realise how blessed I am.  This year I discovered just how amazing the people in my life are; both old friends and new additions.  I also truly realised just what an amazing family I have and how lucky I am to have all of these people in my life.  Things may not be how I would want them right now but they could be a lot worse and I must remember that.  I am loved and am so blessed by this knowledge and I want to take this time to say thank you for all the kind messages, prayers and support I have received this year without them and all you/these amazing people in my life there would have been a lot more tears and a lot less laughter, so THANK YOU you are amazing.

4 comments

  1. Dawn · January 1, 2016

    You are the amazing one coming through all this horridness’ and uncertainty it is so very much to even comprehend you have every right to cry and cry some more how scary has this all been for you out on a limb by yourself , here you still are as are we except we have nit have had this harrowing scary time with all kinds going on thankyou for being a brave girl , you really are an inspiration to anyone and everyone , I don’t know why it has to be you for this to happen to but I couldn’t happen to any person more brave sorry Jade prob have had a wee drink too much but thinking of you and wishing you all the very best I 2026 xxxx

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  2. Marion Harris · January 1, 2016

    You don’t know me but I know your sister and have been following your progress as its something that happened to my family. 5 years ago my precious 29 year old stepson was diagnosed with an aggressive osteosarcoma and was undergoing intensive and at times experimental treatment. He always put a brave face on for us all till new years eve when he suddenly became overwhelmed with the whole situation. After 24 hours he was back to his positive self despite the treatment. I’m only writing this because fast forward to December 2015 he was given the all clear against all the odds. Stay strong,accept that some days will be totally crap, you’re allowed to be in whatever mood you want sod everyone! You have a lovely family and I wish you all good times for the coming year. Stay strong

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    • daldregnishgirl · January 1, 2016

      Hi there, thank you for your kind message it is so nice to know that I am not alone in this and that others have fought and won this battle and I am so glad to hear that your stepson has been given the all clear.

      Like

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