So here we are in the last few hours of 2015 and while everyone else is being rather positive I must admit that for the first time since I was diagnosed with ALL I cried. I cried because the docs (all three of them – they like to work in herds) came in to tell me that I can’t go home to be with my family for New Year. I cried because the room I am in has no signal and I could not even phone them and tell them. I cried because I am just bloody sick and tired. I cried because I know that next week I will be back in here getting more drugs and blood pumped into me to fight a disease that is robbing me of so much. I cried in front of a bunch of strangers (nurses, doctors and the other patients) and there was nothing I could do about it (once more my dignity flew out the window). Yes I can/have been strong and positive but I guess even I have my limits. I then look at the family across the way, who are waiting for the inevitable, and feel so stupid for being upset but still can’t stop the tears. If asked, this time last year, what the future would hold I would never once have imagined that I would be here now. While I may be feeling sorry for myself today I also realise how blessed I am. This year I discovered just how amazing the people in my life are; both old friends and new additions. I also truly realised just what an amazing family I have and how lucky I am to have all of these people in my life. Things may not be how I would want them right now but they could be a lot worse and I must remember that. I am loved and am so blessed by this knowledge and I want to take this time to say thank you for all the kind messages, prayers and support I have received this year without them and all you/these amazing people in my life there would have been a lot more tears and a lot less laughter, so THANK YOU you are amazing.