So I am not sure if this is good news or not, but the doctor at the hospital today said that I could resume part of my treatment, as my liver is improving.  The problem being that this part of the treatment involves going in to hospital 5 days a week for the next 4 weeks, for chemo, and during this time there is Christmas, New Year and my birthday.  I know it sounds sad but I have never not been home for Christmas, and I had my heart set on it, and now I am not sure what my chances are of being there.  There is also a little part of me that is not wanting to start the treatment again as I ended up being quite sick (literally) after the last session of chemo due to my intestines not working properly.  I was unable to keep anything down, including the medicine that they were giving me to help, and I just felt awful and the idea of being that sick again just sucks (ok I know there are bigger and better words I could have used but that says it all).  I also realise that my treatment has to start again if I am ever to beat ALL.  On Friday I was talking to another woman who was on my ward and she was waiting to see the doctor terrified that she was no longer in remission.  She is waiting for her transplant (which had just been postponed) and was now having to take morphine to deal with new pains in her bones and I don’t want that to be me;  I don’t always want to be wondering if today is the day that I get sick again.   Therefore on Monday I will not think about what I will be missing out on but instead try to remember that with each treatment I may actually be gaining something another day, or month or year and that bigger picture is what is important – plus I can always celebrate Christmas again be it in May, or June, or July……. barbecued turkey anyone?